tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57761142011-04-21T15:15:50.642-07:00Cat's Cradle"See the cat? See the cradle?"Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comBlogger121100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1155364980421762132006-08-11T23:33:00.000-07:002006-08-11T23:43:00.430-07:00Old Man Number One - "If the best way we have to stop terrorists is to take everyone's shampoo, we're in worse shape than I thought, Butch."Old Man Number Two - "Don't call me Butch."Old Man Number One - "Seriously, Dicky, what about peanut butter? Is it a solid or a liquid? Is it an explosive? It feels like an explosive, I think. But it's delicious, and I don't the terrorists to get it."Old Man Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1115942982438915992005-05-12T16:53:00.000-07:002005-05-12T17:20:11.400-07:00DC Braces for Surprise Attack!But Bush Bikes OnWashington, DC - As the First Lady was whisked away from the White House and the Capitol Building was evacuated yesterday while fighter jets scrambled to intercept an incoming Cessna, the President biked through the mountains of Maryland blissfully unaware."We didn't want to ruin the surprise," a Senior White House Security Officer said. "The whole Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1065415045710120972003-10-05T21:37:00.000-07:002003-10-05T21:37:25.330-07:00White House Announces Plans to Redo Efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan
President promises to do more by doing less.
Oct. 5, 2003 Washington, D.C. (IP) -- The White House announced plans today to reorganize its efforts at stabilizing Iraq and Afghanistan after a recent increase in violence.
The new plan calls for the "Iraq Stabilization Group" to oversee all efforts by US forces in the countries. Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1064975199325729472003-09-30T19:26:00.000-07:002003-09-30T19:26:39.100-07:00Bush to Cut Deficit Personally
"Sacrifice begins with my hair!" the President declares.
Sept. 30, 2003 Washington, DC (IP) -- Declaring that he would personally attack the ballooning federal budget deficit, President Bush today unveiled a series of steps that the White House was planning on taking to curb expenses.
"For example," the President said, "I'm thinking just one thing I could do is toKenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1064011883968943312003-09-19T15:51:00.000-07:002003-09-19T15:51:23.386-07:00Bush Is Not Afraid of Clark Candidacy
President Welcomes Challenge
Sept. 19, 2003 Washington, DC (IP) -- President Bush today said he welcomed the addition of Gen. Wesley Clark to the field of Democratic candidates seeking to take his place in the White House next year. Though many pundits have predicted Gen. Clark doing well in a national election against Mr. Bush, the President said he thoughtKenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063915545380771652003-09-18T13:05:00.000-07:002003-09-18T13:21:22.883-07:00Bush "Cheerfully" Clarifies Prior Remarks
Bring 'Em On? the President Asks. It Already Been Broughten!
Sept. 18, 2003 Camp David, MD (IP) -- President Bush interrupted his meeting with the leader of Jordan at the presidential retreat in the western mountains of Maryland to clarify a statement he made earlier in the summer regarding ongoing attacks against American forces in Iraq.
"Now some Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063760902287570842003-09-16T18:08:00.000-07:002003-09-16T18:08:55.636-07:00Shake Up on Republican Ticket?
Cheney Mulls Dumping Bush for '04
Sept. 16, 2003 Washington, DC (IP) -- Reports from the Naval Observatory, the Vice President's home, indicate that Mr. Cheney may be considering dropping current President George W. Bush from the Republican Party ticket in next year's election. No one would confirm the rumors on the record, but several people close to the Vice Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063662384620478452003-09-15T14:46:00.000-07:002003-09-15T14:54:16.750-07:00New Bill Aims to Cut Secret Service Costs
Clintons' Protection Consolidated, Bushes' to be Reconsidered
Sept. 15, 2003 Washington (IP) -- To make up ground on record federal budget deficits, lawmakers on Capitol Hill are turning increasingly to creative methods of cost cutting. First up is a bill requiring recipients of Secret Service protection to reside in the same home with other members of Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063408560319541222003-09-12T16:16:00.000-07:002003-09-12T16:16:00.386-07:00North Korea Vows to Pursue Nuclear Test
Bush Calls Action "Crazy!" Warns of Giant Monsters Sure to Follow
Sept. 12, 2003 Seoul (IP) -- North Korean officials said today that they would continue their efforts to conduct a successful nuclear test regardless of American demands to halt. "We don't give a damn about what that guy says," a representative from Kim Il Jung's government said. "We do whatKenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063257055225900692003-09-10T22:10:00.000-07:002003-09-10T22:10:55.253-07:00Record Industry: Just Trying to Keeping It Real
Pre-Teen Pirate Lawsuit First of Many
Sept. 10, 2003 Los Angeles (IP) -- The Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) stood by its decision to settle its lawsuit against a twelve-year-old girl who downloaded music over the Internet with a $2000 fine. Representatives from the RIAA issued a statement today at a hastily called press conference Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063145064911560742003-09-09T15:04:00.000-07:002003-09-09T17:21:34.290-07:00From the NY Times - Mr. Rumsfeld did not mention any of the domestic critics by name. But he suggested that those who have been critical of the administration's handling of the war in Iraq and its aftermath might be encouraging American foes to believe that the United States might one day walk away from the effort, as it has in past conflicts.
"We know for a fact that terrorists studied Somalia,Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776114.post-1063077180489487002003-09-08T20:13:00.000-07:002003-09-09T12:45:00.446-07:00President Sees A "Queer" Future For Iraq
Bush believes Baghdad ready for a "Gay Old Time."
Sept. 8, 2003 Washington (IP) -- Saying America needed to find a new direction in Iraq, in its effort to convert the nation from a repressive dictatorship into a free and open democracy, President Bush announced last night a bold new initiative to hand over leadership in the country to the stars of "QueerKenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17952273336095898814noreply@blogger.com